I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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