haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
