You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
