What did we do last night that was yellow?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
