i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It's Friday. Sex?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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