even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
