hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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