Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
