my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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