Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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