I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Its about making memories worth repressing
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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