I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
