eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
