I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
