Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
