he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
