it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
