if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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