she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
