i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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