I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
