So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
