think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
no. you can't hotbox the world.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
