It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
