Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
