i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
