I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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