Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
