My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
