Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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