I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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