You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
