apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize