I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
