Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
