I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
