it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
pray to the hookup gods
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
