just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
