I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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