she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
