she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am midnight drunk by noon
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
