Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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