According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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