Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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