What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
