no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
