Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
