I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize