I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
