hell yes lets make some ravioli
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
