Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
