Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize