I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
