She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i out mim tonsoeep
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