Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
