after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
