I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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