pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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