Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
