Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize