my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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