Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize