i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
