accomplished twins. life is a go
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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