Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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