Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
