you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
