He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
