i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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