Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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