yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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