its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
