She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
