just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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