And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
