Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
