My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
