just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
