I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
