I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
