this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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