wanna go halves on a baby?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
