MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
