I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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