i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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