It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
