shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize