He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
false alarm, still single
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
