guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
