i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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