Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize