I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When are your genitals available?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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